Public Relations Princess

Ladies, Don't Cry (at Work)

I've heard so much advice about whether women should cry at work or not, I'm going to participate in the debate. As they say, I've "been there, done that."

Last week, on 60 Minutes, John Boehner lost it several times. There is open debate whether he is just emotional, or plain crazy. It doesn't matter, because men can cry. Or yell, or act superior, or laugh or pretty much do whatever they want at work. They are men.

I've been in the workforce now for 30 years. When I was 14, I started my first job at a small ice cream shop called Frosties. It was near my home and a perfect job for a young kid. All my friends stopped by, I learned how to handle money, practice my customer service skills, and be away from my parents.

Frosties served delicious homemade sandwiches. On Saturdays, Cindy, my boss, would make gigantic batches of sauce and meatballs and other stuff to be ready for the week. She was 9 months pregnant and had just cleaned the cooler. I picked up a big five gallon bucket of sauce, swung it up and over the lip of the cooler with my knee, and promptly spilled the entire bucket. Sauce went everywhere. Cindy lost it.

I was too shocked to cry on the spot and offered to clean up the mess. I think the last words she yelled at me as I cowered home was, "NEVERMIND! I will do it." I cried all the way home, and for several hours thereafter. The next day, everyone had calmed down, and we both apologized. Me, for the spill, and she, for her reaction. By the way, she and I still dear friends. We just laugh about it now.

Years later, I was working for a local non-profit organization and we had an auction every year. After the auction event, we hauled everything back to my office. One of the gift baskets that had been purchased contained some donated wine and cigars, as well as a gift certificate to a local restaurant. They'd paid more than $500, so it was not a cheapie. Unfortunately, in the shuffle, someone pushed the basket too far under my credenza and it spilled over, dumping out the cigars and crushing them.

At the time, I was making barely enough money to survive. I had a real bitch for a boss, so I knew that going to her for sympathy, or more money to replace the cigars was out of the question. I took the basket home, repacked it, and the next day, stopped by the cigar store to replace the items that were crushed. $30 later (a fortune at the time), I was on my way to the donor's home to deliver the basket.

About the time I pulled into their driveway, it started pouring rain. Not just rain, but big 'ol fat rain, as Forrest Gump would say. I tried my best to shield the basket, but by the time I got to the door, it was soaked. As soon as the man opened the door, I tried to speak, but all that came out were sobs. I tried to explain what had happened, he just looked back at me with an unsympathetic stare. Not acknowledging my predicament, my tears, or the rain, he just grabbed the basket without saying thanks and shut the door.

Another time, I was working as the assistant to the state director for the Gore campaign. There were 20-somethings everywhere, each on the phone calling people in their assigned precincts, trying to sew up the vote for Gore. One night, during "call time" as it's known in the biz, a female co-worker got a phone call on her cell phone. She started screaming, crying and acting hyterical. Her cries were somewhere in between a hyena and a dolphin. I kid you not, she was causing quite a commotion. I got her out of the big call room she was in and drug her outside, just so the others could finish their calls. Afterwards, I learned that a very close friend of hers had been diagnosed with brain cancer. I can tell you for sure that everyone who witnessed her meltdown that night remember her crying more than her work.

I've cried at work. Sometimes out of frustration or humiliation or anger; sometimes I got bad news over the phone such as the death of my grandmother. I've cried while trying to explain my side of a situation. I even have the annoying misfortune of crying when I laugh too hard.

I've been on both sides of the manager-employee equation. Here are some generalities that I've come up with for females in the office when it comes to crying.

1. In the vast majority of cases, it is best NOT to cry at work. Period.
2. Some people will see you as weak if you cry at work. Period.
3. Men are seen as warm, caring and kind when they cry. Women are not.
4. Women who cry at work undermine their own credibility.
5. If you cry over a personal matter at work, do not talk about the reason you are crying. All anyone will think about is how much time you're spending away from your job to be upset.
6. If you are upset about work and feel a good cry coming on, get out of the office, preferably for the day. It's just as hard to explain why your face looks like you've been bawling than to explain why you are bawling.
7. If you tear up unexpectedly, cough hard and grab a kleenex. Pretend that you have a cold.

The only real exception I could come up with is if something really horrible and unexpected happens, like the death or injury of a loved one.I know I am going to hear a few opinions on this, and I welcome your comments. Do you agree that women should not cry at work? Are there any exceptions?

How to Ask for Pro-Bono PR or "Pick My Brain"

Yesterday, I received a call from a very well-intentioned individual who was looking for a very cheap speech. She was willing to pay $100. Through her eyes, I would have been making damn good money for that hour-long speech. What she failed to realize is that I spend hours preparing. I declined, by the way.

Hours later, I received an email asking me for a free social media consultation. It was from an organization that I had never heard of or worked with before. I also declined that "opportunity."

Incredibly, last week, I received a call from the associate of a former co-worker, who asked me to detail a process I came up with in a former job. Yes, you read that correctly. I went directly to the mirror to see if I had the word "sucker" tattooed on my forehead. I was seriously annoyed.

My friend Sheila Scarborough actually has a talk called, "NO, You May Not Pick My Brain, Freelancing in a Freeloader World." I am beginning to see why. Lisa Barone covered the phenomena here in Outspoken Media.

Since I am a benevolent Princess, I'm going to give you some FREE advice on how to ask a social media, public relations or marketing consultant for advice or pro-bono services.

1. Know the person: Ideally, you should already know the person you are asking. Without that personal connection, your request may not garner much attention. That's not to say that the person won't have lunch with you.(hint: recruiting these smart PR pros for your advisory board is a good start)
2. Personalize your request: A nice introductory email with an explanation of what your organization is looking for should be sent directly to the PR Pro. (Hint: don't assign this task to the intern, it should come from a manager, the higher the better)
3. Offer to pay up front: Don't expect to get anything for free. After you describe your project, offer a flat fee for the services you're asking for, and if the public relations professional can help. If they can't, ask if they know who might be able to help.
4. Know what you want: Once you meet with the PR Pro, don't waste their time. Have a really good idea of the timeframe of your project and what the desired outcome is. Have any relevant internal discussions beforehand, so there are no surprises later. Please don't use me to settle an argument, or worse, referree your inter-office argument.
5. Be open to new ideas: If you already know everything, then why are you asking me? If you have already closed yourself off to sugggestions, critique and new ideas, then you don't need me.
6. E-intros: Please don't e-introduce me to people and offer my brain to people I don't know. It'll be painfully embarrassing for you to be rejected, too.
7. It's a time thing! I barely have enough time to do my paid work now. If I had more time, I'd be spending it with my family.
8. It's not personal, it's business. My favorite line from You've Got Mail.

I'd love to have your feedback. Please leave a comment.

Dell CAP Days

A few months ago, I told you the sad tale of how I went from a Dell brand advocate to a very dissatisfied customer. A couple of weeks ago, Dell asked me to participate in a Dell Customer Advisory Panel (CAP) at the home office in Austin TX. I am on my way there. I wanted to give my readers a chance to participate in CAP remotely by sending me their suggestions on how Dell can reclaim OUR trust and improve its products and services.

I have three main beefs with Dell. Briefly, they are:

1. Their products are unreliable: Out of five laptops I've purchased in the past two years, two were stolen and the other three had major flaws in hardware within an average of six months after purchase.
2. Dell's decision to outsource its main customer service function to India is not working for me and thousands of other Dell customers.
3. Dell's widely hailed social media effort has some major flaws when it comes to helping people who are having problems.

I have some suggestions on how Dell can improve its products and service. I hope they are truly open to listening to me and my fellow Dell customers. I have my doubts. I talked to two of my Tweeps in the last week who told me that Dell separated its CAP Days group into "complainers" (Tuesday) and "fans" Thursday, complete with a welcome Tweetup Wednesday night. Alas, my Dell plane ticket whisks me home a few hours before the Tweetup. Boo Hoo. I guess the complainers will all miss out on the fun.

I do give Dell credit for at least have the courage to invite me down to talk. I hope it helps to actually meet me face to face, so they can see I am a real person, not just a whiner.

I will probably not live tweet or blog the events on Tuesday, but will try to hop on and update my blog or Tweet periodically. Please leave your suggestions on how to help Dell improve in the comments section of this post. You can bet I will include them and Dell with most certainly be reading them as well.

Stay dry, Iowa.

The PR Princess,  In Transit

The Rolling Red Bag -- A Life Lesson

I found my rolling red bag today. Long story....

When I was unceremoniously let go from my job a year ago, one thing was missing from the boxes collected from my desk and mailed to me. My rolling red bag. I called to inquire. They gave my bag to a homeless shelter because they assumed that I took the bag from a client event that we had done years before. Those were suitcases. Mine was a rolling carry-on briefcase. Big difference. I was pissed.

Four years ago, I bought a set of Delsey luggage at Younkers to use on overnight trips for my new job. I choose red so that it would be easier to spot on the luggage carousel. So it was annoying that I now had an incomplete set of luggage.

Fast forward to last October.

I saw a homeless woman walking down the street with a huge backpack, a Target bag and a small black toiletry bag. She was limping and struggling to drag all her stuff toward the downtown homeless shelter. She knew she had to get there in less than an hour to get a bed. I picked her up and gave her a ride. On the way we stopped at QuikTrip, where I saw my friend Josh on his way to taking his little ballerina to dance lessons. I asked her if she wanted anything. "Anything?" Sharon inquired. "Well," I said, the stupid white girl in me bubbling up to the surface. I listened in horror as I heard my mouth say, "Anything but alcohol or cigarettes." "Oh no," she said, ignoring my insult. "I was thinking of getting a USA Today."

I vowed to find Sharon a new bag. A few weeks later, my friend Denika donated a ton of sheets, blankets, and a nice green rolling bag that I intended to give to Sharon. I had it in the back of my car for months, and never saw her again. All last winter, I wondered how she was managing through our brutal winter. I put the bag in my basement.

Today, I was on the way to my husband's house (another long story, we're in the process of moving to the same house) and crossing the street near Dahl's on Ingersoll was my friend Sharon. I recognized the limp and her coat. She was sporting a new bag. It was my red Delsey carry-on! I recognized it immediately.

I stopped to offer her a ride, and had the opportunity to lift my old bag into the back seat of my car. We drove to Quik Trip again. I remembered her penchant for USA Today,I snagged one and an ice cream bar, which was the only thing that sounded good to Sharon.

Pouring rain was coming down. I asked if she minded if we stopped at my house to get something. She agreed, so I circled back to my place to get the rolling green duffel. She looked it up and down and thanked me. "Ever since I found this red bag, it's been easier to cart my stuff around because it is small and easy to roll. I don't think I need a new one. It would just encourage me to haul more stuff around." Then she accepted an offer of warm socks and a pair of sweats, but kindly refused my twice-worn Tommy Hilfiger cable knit sweater.

When I dropped her off at her destination, I unloaded the bag (it still had my business card stuffed into the front ID badge pocket, backwards, so you could only see the blank side), and bid her goodbye again. That bag is now a metaphor for me.

Thankfulness for what I have. A fruitful life. A booming business. Healthy children. An adoring husband. A roof over my head on a rainy day. Who knew all that could fit inside a rolling red bag?

The Power of Speaking a Dream Out Loud

April must be my time of reflection. Every year about this time I feel like a brand new plant looking for the sun, as if it were a brand new life. There have been many times that metaphor has applied to me, my personal life, my career, my relationships with others, and on and on.

This year, I have been feeling an overwhelming sense of gratitude, and the feeling that I am just plain lucky. Do you ever have that feeling?

I shared some of those feelings with a friend, someone who has known me since I was a daycare provider, back before I had a college degree, back when my marriage was failing. At times, there were bad days. My soul would cry up to the sky: "What did I do to deserve this? I've always been a good person!" I shared those thoughts with my wise friend and here is what she said. Those words changed my life.

"Stop worrying about who you are now, and focus on who you want to be. Act like you've already arrived. Hang out with people who know about your dream, and only those who want to be a part of making it happen. Leave people who can't accept the 'new vision of you' behind."

That day, I started to act like my dream had already been delivered. I hung out with positive, supportive people. I re-doubled my efforts to graduate from college faster, determined to graduate with honors. I told myself that someday, I would find a man who loved me for who I was, even with all my flaws. I vowed to stop smoking. I told myself I could do all these things. And guess what? It started happening. This was in 1995.

The first goal was to quit smoking. As my dear friend Sam Dowling would say (she's from London), "I didn't fancy myself a smoker." It took me a year to psych myself up. But I finally took the plunge on my 28th birthday.

Graduation was next. Instead of taking one class a semester (all I could afford), I took out student loans and invested more into my education. It took me six more years, but I finally graduated in May of 2001. Bought a house the same month. Two more goals checked off my list.

The search for a good man would take longer. I finally found him in 2005 and convinced him to marry me in 2009. About the same time we married, my career would hit a bump in the road. But it's been one of those realizations that I should have been doing something else, and just didn't realize it until I was out on my own. Being in business for myself has allowed me to sharpen my goals and focus like a laser on doing the things I really like and I'm good at.

But here's the thing. I didn't just wake up one day and just say, "I want to start my own business." I was more focused than that. About three years ago, I took my inspiration from Mitch Matthews and actually wrote it down at a Big Dream event. I believe it went something like this, "I want to make money being a social media consultant." That's a pretty specific goal, but it still left some wiggle room. I could either work for someone else or myself. So since then, I've done both.

Mitch has another event coming up. Check out his site, especially the video that talks about the Big Dream movement. It will inspire you to start naming your dreams. Because only dreams with names can be born into reality.

What's your dream? What are you doing to make it happen? Mitch's next event in Des Moines is coming up May 16th. Will you and your dream be there?

 

Can Public Relations Professionals Have Strong, Public Opinions?

Serendipity occurred this week in a way that rarely does. A week ago, one of my best buddies, Josh Fleming, asked me if I thought that my strong political beliefs were affecting my brand and my business. He sounded like a concerned older brother. Probably because of my strong stance on the healthcare reform bill, which I have not been shy about defending in this blog post, on Twitter and on Facebook.

Yesterday, another friend, Jarad Bernstein from Des Moines' Catchfire Media, asked me to weigh in on a post about mixing a PR career and strong political opinions. The author of that blog took a familiar, safe stand. I don't blame her. But she's not me. By the way, I was Jarad's very first friend in Iowa. How did he find me? Google. What was the subject of the article he read that I was quoted in? Politics.

Then, yesterday, I spoke with an old friend that, like me, started out in politics, and now has his own business. Eric Woolson is the polar opposite of me, politically. He runs brilliant political campaigns for people whom I fundamentally disagree with. So, I asked my old friend the same question that Josh had asked me last week. He knew exactly what I was getting at. "You mean do people hire me because I'm a republican?" he replied behind his grin. He runs campaigns and does issue-related consulting. Not many liberals or democratic politicians come knocking on his door.

But for regular corporate clients, Eric said, there is hardly ever a discussion about politics. He can't even guess whether some of his clients are republicans or democrats.                                               

I have clients (and friends) from all over the political spectrum. Have I ever brought up a sensitive political issue in a client meeting? No way. I have common sense. If someone asked me a direct question about a contentious issue, I would reply, but not elaborate. I would immediately try to find common ground, or agree to disagree. That's what happens when I'm on the clock.

When I'm off the clock, I do express my opinion. Twenty+ years of papertrail and photographs document my journey. My resume contains the political jobs I've held. I belong to a Gore 2000 staff Facebook page. For months, my Twitter avatar has been of me and Barack Obama. I can't hide from my political leanings, nor my strong dedication to talking about issues that deeply matter to me.

What have I learned? Here is just a partial list:

1. If you have an opinion, be prepared to back it up with facts. People who don't agree with you will still respect you if you have a well-grounded argument.
2. Don't label and categorize people. Even though I'm a fairly liberal democrat, I still have differences in opinion occasionally with the party and elected officials. I don't appreciate being called a socialist or a "commie pinko" or a "feminazi."
3. Be respectful. This should be self-explanatory.
4. Know people for who they are and what they do, not what bumper sticker is on their car.
5. A little humor goes a long way. Ask Isaiah McGee or Wade den Hartog  how many good-natured jabs we've thrown at each other, while still retaining respect for one another.

My bottom line: maintaining good client relationships and friendships should have nothing to do with your political leanings. Respect, common sense, and tolerance for opinions and free speech are all American values that I cherish. Chime in, I'd love you hear YOUR stories and opinions!

Eleven People Who Made Me a Better PR Princess in 2009

There are years that change you and make you think about your direction in life. 2009 was one of those years for me. Along the way, there were dozens of people who offered help and encouragement, practical advice and even work. I've often pondered the fact that without the good fortune of being born my wonderful family, I might just be another foreclosure victim.

So first, I must thank my parents, Frank and Ellen Celsi. Mom and Dad, thanks for all the moral support. No one is better at listening to me.

My husband Jim is a saint. He asked me to marry him 48 hours after I got laid off from my job. We married on June 7, and haven't looked back. He even got me a Christmas card (inside joke...Jim does not buy cards for ANYONE!). Love that man.

My friend Drew McLellan came out onto the limb I was on, and led me back to solid ground. Minutes after announcing that I was starting my own business, Drew had an offer on the table for me to do some consulting with his company. I'll never forget how he helped me. Thanks, Drew.

Josh Fleming used to be my colleague at another company and we were immediately asked to work on several projects together. Through those experiences and many collaborations since we're both moved on to greener pastures, we've forged a great friendship. I have to say, Josh and his whole company rocks. Thanks for being my pal and for your great advice this last few months.

My sister Teresa has been so supportive of me as a person. Not only just the last 7 months, but for my whole adult life. She has listened to a lot of rambling and been there for me when I was down. Now we spend lots of quality time getting pedicures together. It's time I wouldn't trade for anything. Thanks, Thsister.

Todd Jones is not only a great client, but a great friend. He trusted me to work on market research and social media projects at DMACC and has continued to provide me with challenging opportunities. Thanks, Todd, for giving my fledgling company your business. You may be a conservative, but you're all right.

Deb Wiley is an accomplished writer and editor. When she lost her job at Meredith last year, she started a new gardening blog and contemplated what direction her career should go. After meeting me at a seminar at Drake, she reached out and we now get together once in a while to compare notes. I look forward to her expert advice in planting my flower beds next spring. I just love her spirit and her style.

Mike Sansone is a trusted friend and adviser. He helped set me on the path of social media consulting three years ago, and continues to freely share his insights. He is a good man and I know he and I will be friends forever. Mike is gaining recognition as a big thinker in social media and using social media in classroom instruction. UPDATE: I have found out some disturbing things about Mike and am sad to report that he is not the person I thought he was. So I take back everything I said.

Diana Deibler is who I want to be when I grow up. She is scary smart and strategic as all get out. Many business leaders in Des Moines count Diana as a business partner and trusted adviser. She has guided many companies through crisis and helped them shape their message through good times and bad. I want her on my side of the table. She is classy, gorgeous and brilliant. What a combo. Oh, and check out her "Seven Guiding Principles."

J Michael McKoy is a dreamer and a doer. When he got fired from his job at a local radio station, he wasted no time creating his own online radio empire. I admire his tenacity and willingness to try new things. A year ago he pooh-poohed the idea of using social media as a distracting fad, now he has adopted new technology into his daily life and his business. Mac, you're an inspiration to me. Thanks for believing in me and allowing me to do a show on Des Moines Local Live.

As you can see, I have a lot to be thankful for. I hope you are half as lucky. Happy New Year!